I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
