You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
