Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm like, not good at living.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
