Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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