She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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