hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
