Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
