And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
