Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
