So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
