Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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