just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize