everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
