I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
