I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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