When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
