do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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