drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
