I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
