At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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