I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize