You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
