if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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