I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
