I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
