She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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