It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
