If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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