have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
