He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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