I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
