I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
