I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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