I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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