i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
