i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
