Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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