dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
