Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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