2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
