My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
