That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
