I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
