What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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