i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
