My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
