Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
