1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
