I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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