he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
