Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
