my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize