I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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