Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize