You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
