I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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