Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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