I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cockslap morals
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Be still, my beating vagina.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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