What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
