I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
