you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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