Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So many bounce houses so little time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
