After last night, I could never be a politician.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize