do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
