he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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