i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
